Male hand on Female ass
I put “Me Too” in quotes only to convey that I have not been a victim of sexual abuse, not to belittle it’s intent in any way.  My thoughts are still jumbled, but strong. This is a subject of overwhelming importance to me, to my family, to families with young children, and absolutely to this country at large.
I have seen comments that bring up many issues for me and I feel it necessary to give voice to them.
ONE) Me Too. I am surprised that there are so many women who ARE NOT saying, “Me Too.” I think, shamefully, that this situation is endemic to this country, and to a greater or lesser extent the world. Horribly, in some places, to a FAR GREATER extent. As I will comment later, we are in a situation where very few people can give advice from a place where this is NOT an issue.
TWO) Me to YOU. I am a 70 year old, Very Tall, sometimes eloquent White Male. To an extent that is continually and increasingly becoming evident to me, that means I have been greatly entitled through my entire life. The trouble with being entitled is that you don’t get a certificate for it, it just IS. I don’t have to work for this, I just GET IT. IT IS THE WAY THE WORLD WORKS. So why should I act against how the world works?
Without question, I have taken advantage of this throughout my life. For that, I now, and will continue to apologize. I am sorry.
THREE) What do I do NOW? I saw a comment from someone very near and dear to me asking what to do if they see a situation that COULD fall into this category. He is also tall, white and sometimes eloquent. I am not sure if I can give any cogent advice that is not self contradictory.
  1. If you have the ability, wait, watch and see if you can confirm.
  2. Politely interrupt and say to BOTH, “I am sorry to interrupt, but I see a lot of stress here. Is there any way I can help?” Then go back to #1.
  3. Be aware of local options for abused people, police, shelters, and possibly have those numbers on your person.
  4. Be highly aware that a stranger’s (your) interruption can be an ADDED stress and that stress happens to couples for many reasons other than spousal or couple abuse. LIFE can be abusive.
FOUR) Does Anyone Know? I commented before on the difficulty of finding someone who knows how to operate from a place of true respect, honesty and equality of value. I believe we are truly in uncharted ground here.
We live in a society where we can not talk about that for which we all have a great need, Sex and Power. Indications of that need are ALL around us. A cursory look at the adds we see hundreds of times a day will tell you that. Why do we have Hooters, Playboy, bikini’s at car shows? Even in “informative” adds, the lady talking to you is not going to be looking like Madeleine Albright (again, I am sorry) unless it is a discussion of world affairs. Look at the adds for reverse mortgages. Do you really think that a man who looks like Tom Selleck who lives in a HUGE High rise apartment in a big city needs a reverse mortgage? But he is wealthy, handsome, powerful, successful, so you take his advice. Look at our president (without the handsome part). All of that is constantly operating in our world, effecting us, yet we do not, cannot TALK about it. When was the last time you brought up your sexual tastes on a first date? (Might look into Reid Mihalko’s Elevator Speach.)
I LOVE to flirt. There are discussions now about how to maintain a sexy atmosphere in a time of absolute consent. “Can I touch you? How? Can I hold your hand? Can I kiss you? Where? Etc.” How about if you like kinky sex? How do you discuss THAT? What if you WANT to overpower, to be overpowered? “I want to feel totally overpowered, to be taken. I want to give up my power to you. Here is a 5 page list of limits and requirements as to how to do that.” Feels really sexy, don’t it.
What I am asking is, How do we do that? My thought is, at this time, almost no one knows. We do not have a societal language for continued erotic tension and engagement that allows for sexual consent.
Perhaps that is the discussion we ought to have.

2 thoughts on “On “Me Too””

  1. “Me too” implies a lot of things to me as well…if it is in the aspect of rape, abuse, sexual harassment , all abusive, negative forms of masculinity then I can say that surviving the military makes a survivor of many thing especially childhood/teenage trauma and rape. It is interesting how many and not all females, victims/survivors, are saying much in the universal platform in the media or whatever outlet is available to them, personal and private lives what was wrong and why to prevent such a thing from happening to anyone else, male or female. Males are also victims of abuse and rape. I have an adopted son, he was one, unfortunately, he was murdered. Abuse and rape being bought to light directly after “white privilege” has a spotlight put on it is quite the auspicious thing with cautionary timing, a proverbial double edged sword…something bigger is coming, that is more damaging and harmful to us, 24/7 Lifestylers in the BDSM world.

    Lilith was right to leave Adam in the end after all if it meant her being was being compromised to fit into society. The Feminine Divine, primarily Lilith, has been dismissed for a long time, especially sexually or sensually, she was demeaned, called names and that happened when that woman, that female took charge of her sexuality. When I took charge of my being, my mom called me a whore for wearing thongs, exes to this day calls me a whore or whatever only because I didn’t let them abuse or mistreat me. Don’t get me started on the B word, that has plenty of history behind it. Sexual harassment and other forms has its consequences, female criminality is one form:

    I can remember being in Criminal Justice class, listening to my teacher, she asked a question about female criminality and the source of it. I answered with this.

    “Female criminality start with the subjugation of the female form, ,mentally, physically, and other forms and manner, negatively because a woman with her own mind and control over her own being and thoughts is a threat to the patriarchy who holds the key to status quo and the access to such privilege to live a life of freedom and to make choices without asking for approval for anything especially birth control. If a female is not inclined to know or own herself mankind will do as he pleases with her even if it gets her imprisoned of killed. This is why female serial killers are regarded differently than male serial killers in the criminal justice system. There is always another female that is willing to follow a man’s bidding blindly, arrogantly and ignorantly–should she choose to do so only because she wants to be accepted, popular rather than respected or honored for being what a woman should be–even that was sent as a mixed message, so now we have female convicts, mostly mothers separated from their children and young women wasting their lives away because they followed what they thought was love. It takes the loss of life, liberty personal rights and one’s own freedom to realize a mistake was made on her behalf because she was obedient to a male and his malicious orders.”

    The class looked at me, silent, shocked…I didn’t care, the teacher was floored. January 2003, Chicago,Illinois, 26 y/o at the time.

    I owned my intellect and linked this problem to sexual abuse, harassment and trauma at the hands of a woman’s abuser, overwhelmingly, those accounts were confirmed as male abusers, the smaller percentage were female abusers, nothing new there…it is a vicious cycle of subjugation of a females will, being and identity through abuse in the worse way humanly possible.

    Lilith didn’t let Adam compromise her, she left his ass…Eve went along with the program and now the rest of woman kind has suffered what is in the Old Testament. I came from a church family, long story…in relation to BDSM, this privilege and the coming out of “Me too” will impact how Submissives and Slaves relate to their Dominants, anything involving the Dominants protecting what is theirs or they regard their beloved Submissive, the D/s lifestyle will be rocked, contracts will have to be renegotiated, the world of pornography will re-evaluate some issues concerning safety, advertising, and sexual, sensual imaging of females like never before, new platforms of education will be here soon enough, especially for the BDSM world, this should be interesting to see…

    You, Sir, are eloquent, kind, decent, well mannered and one of the few I trust, I am merely observant of what is wrong with the world, if we are part of the solution, we have to make things right before anything else goes wrong after it’s been dragged out of the darkness to show our complacency, societal degradation against the humanity of womankind.

    The few people that do stand up for healing from such traumas, such as myself as pushed into the shadows and condemned for wanting to be treated better as human beings, better yet equal to our male counterparts.

    I work quite well in the dark, it fine with me.

  2. Power and Sex, negatively, are breeding ground for manipulation and destruction. Consent and negation and agreement are key to the genders getting along, respectively, all of us, as a whole.

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